Father’s Day

This day is always such a day of mixed emotions for me.  I think of my sweet Dad and my heart aches for him.  The sting is still so deep and the burning of tears behind my eyes is always there, but in a way it’s a comforting feeling.  It’s my part of him  that’s still with me….a deep raw emotion that honestly I don’t ever want to go away. 

Man, do I miss that man.  Happy Father’s Day Dad.  I love you so much. 

While sometimes I’d do anything to have you here with us now, I’ve found myself at a point in my faith that I know that somehow someway this is all part of God’s greater plan for us.  There is no doubt that in losing you I love deeper, appreciate my friendships more and value them in a whole new way, I don’t rush onto the next phases in life, and instead truly try and find meaning in the present moments…even the toughest ones...

I can’t wait to see you again.  Boy, do I have some stories for you! 

When I found this picture I immediately noticed how my parents were holding hands.  What a beautiful example of true love…

The first few weeks of Brad being gone I immediately thought of my mom.  The feeling of loneliness she must have felt and probably still does…a feeling I can’t imagine but have gotten a taste of with this deployment.   To have your everything, your best friend…GONE…I hurt so bad for myself, but couldn’t get my mom off my mind…I almost grieved again in another way for my Dad & my Mom.  She was amazingly strong after my Dad died…stronger than she should have been.   

And in the midst of missing my own Dad, I am completely overwhelmed with joy & love for Brad, the most amazing Dad I could have ever dreamed of for my kids. 

You are our hero, a light in our lives, someone we admire, and look up to. We love you so much & can’t wait for you to come home!

There is not a day that goes by that these kids don’t talk about you & miss you!

Happy Father’s Day sweetheart!

Kindergarten Field Day

I can not believe Kindergarten is over for Jack!  The time went by so fast.  At the beginning of the year I was so nervous.  It has been an AMAZING year.  Jack could not have had a better teacher.  He absolutely LOVED going to school & he has learned so much!  We are so happy with our experience at Edge Elementary!

Field Day was a great way to end the year!  Jack mostly just went along for fun.  We are finding that while he likes athletic stuff, he is not very competitive.  He was a great sport & loved being with his friends!

Mrs. Early was Jack’s teacher, and I can not say enough good things about her!  She was a God send for Jack.  She loved him and he loved her!

Day in Day out

Some days I find myself saying, “I can’t blog today because I would have to tell people what life is really like for me right now…and I don’t want to show my pain, my anxious feelings, my exhaustion.”  I am strong…I can do this…and I coach myself through whatever it is that doesn’t compare to what could be worse. 

Those are my toughest days. 

              The days when I’ve maxed out all my resources.

             The days when my blessings have come forth 

and God has provided,

but it’s still hard. 

But what I’m learning is that God’s plan is not to always make life easier.  He will provide the path that will lead me to him, but it’s not always going to be a joy ride…

and as a friend once told me….I have to CHOOSE joy. 

I’ve prayed for years…

Dear God, please bring me closer to you. 

When my dad died…through this deployment…who do I find myself closer to?  I can see God’s hand all throughout my life, through the pain, through the suffering, through the fear, through the exhaustion and…

                                                   IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL.