Friday, November 13, 2009

good morning

I started stirring around 4 am this morning. Thats been pretty normal for me lately. What was I stirring about? Usually more than one thing....I can't sleep on my stomach anymore, so that makes sleeping a little more tossy and turny for me. I also can't stop thinking about what to do about the new baby's room, Jack's room, the curtains I want to make for my bedroom, the bedside tables we sooo desperately need, the twin beds & if I feel like refinishing them, the day bed-should I sell it on Craigslist or use it in little Mady's room(oh by the way we are almost positive we are having a girl, and she will be named Madeline Grace or Madison Grace *we haven't decided yet-the names are our same girl name options from when we were waiting to find out if Jack was a girl or boy), the couch pillow covers that I'm tired of, how I want to go flea market shopping*I wonder if I'll be able to do that with two kids..hmmmm, what baby bedding I want for our little girl we are almost positive we are having, if I feel like painting her room, if I should move Jack into a big boy bed or buy another crib....sheesshh! No wonder I can't sleep!

You know I'm really trying to find my place in this "stay at home mom" world. It's a little overwhelming and oh so wonderful at the same time. Daunting in a way....just imagine all the things I can do each day! Daunting for me mainly because I'm SO indecisive. We usually wake up, have coffee, then breakfast, then get ready & go workout, then its lunch time, then nap time, then Brad comes home, then supper time, then bathtime & beddy bye! Sometimes in the morning we go places rather than workout....I need to start being more ambitious though...I could do so many things...but usually I end up doing my same old routine dreaming about the fabric I'll go buy or walking aimlessly around Hobby Lobby never deciding on anything. Perhaps I need a friend, one that will be better about decision making & have the same tastes as me, then she could tell me what to do when I'm standing in an aisle for 40 minutes trying to make up my mind.

Jack has been amazing lately...well he's always been, but I just LOVE him so much & I'm always thinking about how lucky I am to have such a great little boy. He's so EASY...laid back like his daddy. He really just goes with the flow and let's me do whatever I want....except spend too much time on my computer. He actually can't stand it when I'm on the Santa is bringing him a kids laptop for Christmas and I'm hoping he'll play on that while I play on mine :)

I'm also asking myself what made me so get to stay at home & do whatever I want. Brad goes to work everyday and he works really hard, I work hard too---between caring for Jack, cleaning, being our financial planner, paying & managing all of our expenses, cooking, and..and..and...well actually my life rocks. Everyday is a new day and I pretty much get to decide how it goes. If I don't feel like doing laundry, well I don't. I don't get to decide if I feel like getting up in the middle of the night with a crying baby though...even if its 4-5 times a night. Hopefully our next bundle of joy is a better sleeper...or perhaps I not be such a sucker as far as nursing whenever that little pumpkin wants to, even if its every hour :)

I've also felt this STRONG STRONG desire to work on my religious focus...We are Catholic and love it. I just have been feeling like I'm not being as "Catholic" as I should be. God has given me soo many gifts in my life, and I need to be better & focus more on living more for him rather than me & what I want.

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