This momma thing is hard.
I’m not really talking about all the physical stuff: lack of sleep, endless cleaning, etc. While all that is hard stuff…I’m talking about the pain that comes along with trying to make the right decisions for your child. The pain that comes with the uncertainty when you are aren’t sure if you are doing the right thing.
Last year my Jack LOVED school. He begged to go and begged to stay when it was time for me to pick him up. His teachers adored him. He was happy, he was learning, he was playing & I knew he was loved there.
This year has been a very different story.
Searching for the right school was a process for me. I researched all the schools, talked to directors, talked to teachers, got recommendations from people I knew, and made school visits. This was during the summer, so I didn’t get to actually observe, but honestly I’m not sure if this would have prevented what happened. I did the best I could finding a school that I thought was great for Jack.
It turned out to be the opposite.
At first I thought Jack was just being a mess….he was telling me he didn’t like school, he didn’t want to go, then the teachers were telling me he wouldn’t participate or eat, so we had conferences(where the teachers and I were always on a different page it felt like) and then it seemed to get better, but then just when that happened it got much worse. Drop off time was painful…I literally had to peel my child off of me and hand him over to his teachers. At first it was awful, then I tried to convince myself that it was just separation anxiety and we needed to work through it, and then towards the end I started questioning myself…what was I doing?
This kid is not happy. He hates school…he used to love it. He used to be so confident and proud of what he could do, and now he is so unsure of himself and doesn’t think he can do anything. And now the worst part…he’s refusing to use the bathroom at school and now having accidents. Jack has never had an accident anywhere. This was getting bad. He was starting to become argumentative at home and overall I felt like he was a different kid in a way. I didn’t know what to do. Over the Christmas holidays after being away from school for awhile I felt like he was being more himself. Then, it was time to go back to school and he was so upset. I sent him on Monday. They peeled him off Brad. That’s when I decided I would just visit another school to see if I thought Jack might be happier there. Switching schools was a big deal…it could make the situation worse, he had made friends that he loved, etc. My gut was just telling me to just go see. I walked in and it felt like a breath of fresh air. The teacher and I talked about all of my concerns and the problems we were having at his other school, and she and I seemed to agree on how to handle things. I talked it over with my mom who has many years of experience in early childhood education. I talked it over with Brad…called some of my seasoned mom friends…and prayed that God would help me make this decision. The next day I enrolled him in the new school. I told him he was going to a new school, and his eyes lit up! He absolutely LOVES his new school. He is so happy…his teacher loves him and says he is doing great…he talks about all the fun things they do! I feel so thankful that I listened to my gut instincts. I feel like I have my Jack back. We have been working on building his confidence back up and he is doing so well!
Oh how I love you Jack…
4 1/2 years old
