Thursday, July 31, 2008

i haven't blogged in quite awhile...i guess that can show you just how busy i've been! having a newborn is a lot tougher than i thought it would be...although i wouldn't trade one moment of it for the world. night time has been about the same...feeding every couple of hours with usually one hour when jack just feels like hanging out..usually from 3-4 am :) other than the lack of sleep everything has been easy and lovely. getting out of the house is always a huge accomplishment if i actually do it though! we seem to have a hard time getting it together in the morning. once we do get out its always a good time...except that it becomes sort of a race. i try to feed jack right before we leave and then we have about 2 hours to get everything done before he's hungry again. feeding him in public is a bit of a challenge since we require an extravagant pillow setup to get him to latch on so usually its easier to just get back home for the next feeding rather than figure out how to get everything just right in some random dressing room. everyone has been suggesting pumping and giving him a bottle when i'm out which always sounded like the greatest idea until it came down to actually doing it and my heart kind of sank...and all the thoughts started filling my mind..what if he doesn't want me after i introduce a bottle?...and just the fact that its been an incredible bond between the two of us and i'm struggling with breaking it even if its just when we are out and about every once in awhile. well...i finally decided to give it a try today and thats why i'm blogging right now b/c my mom is giving jack his first bottle and he's taking it fine, but i can't watch...i can't stand it in fact so i had to find something to do rather than watch and cry...sounds silly but its true and i can't even begin to explain why i'm so attached. i guess once i start really experiencing the freedom that will come with giving him a bottle every once in awhile i will get over it. i guess we'll see.

i'm heading back to san antonio saturday. i didn't think being gone a week would be as hard as its been. i've loved being here with my parents and seeing everyone...but i have to say...jack and i both really really miss brad and we can't wait to see him ;)

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