It’s got me thinking…

Today that is…Thanksgiving…Happy Thanksgiving!

I was back and forth between Houston and Corpus Christi(Brad was doing a month rotation there) while my Dad was so sick. I got the call from my mom…and she said it was time for me to come. My jaw started chattering…I walked in circles around our apartment trying to get things ready to leave. I was going alone with the kids at first because I was sure this wasn’t it. I finally got on the road, and then I got the second call. This was it.

It? What are they talking about…they couldn’t be right? I called Brad and turned around to go get him. We drove…there was no way it could have been fast enough.

2 1/2 hours. Brad played the most beautiful music for me as I cried…hard. So hard. I cried and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.

Brad’s parents met us to get Jack.

We parked and my completely numb body…physically, mentally, & emotionally…walked towards my Dad’s waiting area. I had always imagined this moment to be so different. I was supposed to be bawling crying on the floor somewhere not able to speak. It wasn’t that way…I was a zombie. I talked, walked, maintained odd composure as I made my way to watch my Daddy go to heaven.

The surgeon, sweet Dr. Frasier came to talk to us…to say they’d done all they could. This was it.

The priest walked us in to give my Dad his Last Rites…we prayed…the pain, the way my body cried…there was my Dad laying there. He looked AWFUL—never ever imagined this part. We stood there, and decided to withdraw care the next morning hoping God would take him on his own. We went back to our camper and a few hours later Dr. Frasier called us. It was time…God was taking him. Like machines we jumped out of bed and got to the hospital as fast as we could. We walked in and he was almost gone. We were all there…

We watched our Dad die. We watched everything fade away…we stood there. We had no idea what was happening…we couldn’t process it. Then we left. We walked away from it all…and went home and laid in bed. From there my emotions were haywire and still are. Everyday is a new and different day.

Today is Thanksgiving Day---and here’s what I’m thankful for.

I’m thankful for my healthy family

my husband who works so hard for us and his unending understanding and care for me in my worst moments..the way he LOVES everything about me

for my family who have been UNBELIEVABLE and for how much more closer we’ve all become after my Dad’s death.

I’m thankful Brad could be with me on that night…and Nana & Pop Pop could take care of Jack for us. I’m thankful for the beautiful music Brad played for me on the way to Houston…the way it let me cry.

I’m thankful for how much time I got to spend with my Dad. I’m thankful for all the beautiful things he taught me about life.

I’m thankful for the secrets to life that Brad has taught me(that’s a whole other post) and how they help me deal with this loss.

BUT here’s what I’m most thankful for…this new found faith that I have since my Dad went to heaven…this trust, love and peace that my new relationship with God has given me. Above all I’m thankful for God’s forgiveness and the fact that he loves me even though I’m a sinner…he is here for me and will be always.