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Thursday, February 10, 2011

It’s my PARTY and I’ll cry if I want to!

Sunday was my birthday…making me 27***gasp***sigh***where did year 24,25, & 26 go?***sigh again***I guess I’m okay with it :)  Brad says those years went to being pregnant & having babies, and that makes me smile.  Those years didn’t go to just that though.  They went to Residency(which next year is our LAST year), learning to be a better person…a much better person, experiencing life with children(the most amazing gift of all time), and falling deeper in LOVE with Brad…you would think love is so deep at marriage right?

Can I tell you…there is more to a love between two people over time…

between two people who have children together…

between two people who go through residency together…

**between two people who learn to make sacrifices together…

The past few years have been…renewing.

I was caught off guard on Saturday. I was sad. The pain I was already enduring after losing my Dad was cutting deeper.  My Dad doesn’t “talk” on the phone, but he always called me on my birthday. ALWAYS. I knew he wouldn’t be calling…I wouldn’t hear “Heeeyyyy Rebecca…just wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday…”  It hurt…and it made me feel lost...it forced me to be honest with myself…He was gone. Wait, say it again.  He is gone….he is gone…he is gone…he is gone…It never feels real. I asked Brad about that feeling once, and he said, “I think you are searching for a certain feeling, but I don’t think it will ever feel “certain.” I guess something so unnatural will never feel certain…

I was also sad because Brad is on night float (he’s been working all night, sleeping all day, and then heading back to work at 5:30 pm.) I’d be spending my birthday alone I thought, but just when I felt like I couldn’t be strong any longer…GOD SHOWED UP like he always does.  Brad got sleep on a Saturday night(which is RARE) and was able to spend my birthday with me.  That’s how I know…I’m not alone.

1 comment:

Katherine Anne said...

One day at a time. It's the only way we'll make it. Thank goodness God gives us the ability to love our husbands and children- I fall quite short without it/Him.