Waves

My pain...it comes in waves...ironically I was at the beach when you started to pass away. I kept looking for you out in the ocean...where were you? I find myself asking that question a lot lately...where are you? Where is he? Where could he be...then I think of all the places I could go looking for you. I think of the lake front...where you and mom spent every afternoon watching the sunset, or the boats come in or out, the people walking with their families, the ones who'd fish on the dock...what were they catching, if anything at all? Ya'll would laugh and remember the old times when ya'll would see a family of small children trying to have a nice afternoon...one kid might be throwing a fit...and another screaming...and you'd remember what it was like to have small children. You knew how they felt, and you were thankful for all those evenings ya'll spent with us...even the tough ones. I spent many afternoons out there with you...I remember the days we'd go too. I remember eating all kinds of candy with you...I remember you telling me I had to get out of the house even though I felt so sick being pregnant with Madeline...You told me, "You can either sit here at home and feel bad, or you can go somewhere and feel bad." I always felt better after going somewhere. You felt worse than I did, but there you were trying your best to make me feel better. I walked you on that pier that night...it was a bumpy ride in your wheel chair...I remember the sunset and how quiet we were. I'll never forget that evening...b/c I knew it would probably be the last and it was.

I took these pictures for you...you would have loved the marina we went to...the boats, the breeze, the sunset, the quietness of the boats rocking in the water...I thought of you and kept taking pictures.